Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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