The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
