I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
