Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
