HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
