i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
