let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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