You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i came on her dog
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
