its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
why is half of my head shaved?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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