Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
