Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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