I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
