she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
