this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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