doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
