Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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