Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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