if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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