$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
