I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
