We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
