Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
