he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
