he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
