this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize