Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
