I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
