Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
