Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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