some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
