it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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