:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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