Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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