She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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