she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
