Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
