Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
