either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize