I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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