I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
