Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
