We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
