Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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