The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize