I should be sponsored by Trojan
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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