yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
