i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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