All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
