Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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