Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
