I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
