i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
