Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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