no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just took my morning after pill in the library
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
