What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
