I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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