It's Friday. Sex?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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