Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
