I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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