Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
