I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
