So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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