White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
