Banned from zoo.
Again?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
