Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
