Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
