Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
