i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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