That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
