i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize