Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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