My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
high people should be assigned attendants
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
