2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
