Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
