just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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