Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
