How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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