FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
