I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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